In the moment
by WhiteNotebook
Summary: "We were living in the moment and for the moment, it was enough."   One-shot SasuNaru, contains smut, set through Naruto's POV, bitter/sweet story


**Hey! this is my first story and I am nervously proud to have finaly finished it. Please reveiw, even if its just constructive feedback. I can take it, i swear. Also I know that the story line is cliche but I wanted to show how I pictured the scene.**

**Disclamer: I dont own Nauto yada yada yada blah blah blah**

**This is YAOI. specificly SASUNARU. If you dont like then dont read. Simple. **

**Contains some smut**

**Naruto's point of veiw**

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><p><em><strong>"In the Moment"<strong>_

All my dreams are the same.

I float in a void facing my polar opposite. We are both as naked as the day we were born. The void is colourless and clear, like looking into an endless bottle of water. My blond hair hovers around my head like sunshine and my skin glows with a healthy tan. The other man is like a male Snow White; skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. His powerful arms are folded across his chest and every muscle in his body is knotted as though he were about to spring into action. His pale eyelids are almost translucent and I can see a spider web of light blue veins traveling across them.

A boom resounds in my ears as his eyelids flick open to revel inky irises. Slowly he spreads his arms out in front of him and dark red blood drips from his long, spidery fingers. I am alarmed at first. I search his body for wounds before I look down at my own chest. My blood is flowing out of me as quickly as time flows away from the aged. I whip my eyes back up to the other man as horror and betrayal flows like poison through my veins.

The scene changes

Now I am surrounded by darkness more pure than you could know. Hands reach out through the shadows to lay themselves upon me. They alternate between gentle and harsh, careful and cutting, as they pull at the seams of my patch-work soul.

The dreams are only an echo of reality. They are subconscious warnings, they tell me to think ahead. They are showing me that I am addicted to him and that if I don't quit I will be destroyed.

But I am addicted to the moment and I cannot look beyond it.

The moon is shining like a promise as we face off in this crowded room. We are waiting to see who will make the first move; him, me or the furniture; because we know that he who moves first cares the most.

And we know that he who cares the most losses.

We slowly move together as our clothes drop from our bodies and pool like water on the floor.

Once a month we met, make love and then leave each other to our separate instabilities. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can see that first night and how it transformed into the bizarre ritual we were about to perform.

Everything has a beginning and an end. The beginning of this was a fight and the end was a touch of loneliness, but everything we did started and ended that way.

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><p>He was leaning over me, surveying me with sadistic amusement. His pale, high coloured skin seemed to glow in the dim moonlight. The cool kiss of metal was pressing down at my throat.<p>

"Give me a reason" He whispered. "Go on, move, I dare you."

His dark eyes dug into me like blunt black daggers. I just looked at him, trying to keep the fear out of my face. Nameless emotion flared out around him in waves.

"Fuck you"

I was lifted off the ground in a single fluid movement and flung through the air like a rag doll; floppy, lifeless, broken. Surely this wasn't it! I wasn't going to be defeated like this! Was I? There was a plan but it was out of reach; lost somewhere between pain and shock.

Maybe this will be one of those impacts you don't feel until later, my optimistic side hoped. No, my pessimistic side thought, afraid not. The pain was immediate and overwhelming but cut of quickly from my waist to my legs. I bit through my bottom lip to prevent myself from screaming. I mightn't have been able to feel my lower half (and a quick glance at my legs told me I didn't want to) but I could still feel the rest of me.

"hn, I'm amazed your still alive. I think your spine just snapped in half."

There was something about the way he said it that pissed me off. Almost as if he were a scientist conducting an experiment; testing how far he could push my body before it snapped. Oh wait, it just did. At least it explained the lack of pain. No nerves.

His eyes bore into me; pools of enigmatic black that held me down as effectively as ropes. Strands of dark hair licked the sides of a canvas coloured face as a cool breeze of fear blew over my skin. The short blond hairs on my arms grew legs and stood on end. My breath rasped against my throat as I attempted to pull air into my bruised lungs. I tried to speak, tried to gasp the name on the tip of my tongue out past my teeth.

Sasuke.

It was like trying to hold on to water with your fingers spread, the possibility was rapidly slipping away, falling back into the vapid darkness that was my current psyche.

I could feel conscious thought rapidly retreating into nothingness and I knew that the only reason I was still awake was pure willpower. The nine tails chakra was working furiously and I could feel bones, sinew and skin threading themselves back together. I had moments before my central nervous system reconnected and my feet were facing the wrong way by about…..hmmm….let's say…. 180 degrees. Shit.

I could taste the coppery blood in my mouth as I bit through my lip again. This was going to hurt. Would it? I thought. Why is he just standing there? Shouldn't he have finished me off by now? Maybe I would still get lucky. Maybe he'd kill me before the shudders of agony that were shaking my legs reached my brain. My inner pessimist lean over and bitch slapped my optimism in the face. How dare I have that kind of hope! Every part of me; pessimistic, optimistic, realistic, knew this man to well to make a stupid assumption like that. Nah, he wasn't going to kill me. He was going to wait until my nerves reconnected, watch me wither around in agony, smirk, and then kill me.

Fucker.

My vision suddenly flashed red and a high pitched wailing started reverberating through my head. That was me! I was drowning in my own body, unable to find my mouth and shut myself up. I could feel his satisfaction in my agony washing over me. I straightened myself as much as my ruined frame would allow and spat in the direction of his face. A firm, calloused hand latched onto my hair and pulled me of the ground. I bit down once more on my abused bottom lip as I failed to supress a low groan of pain. I could feel my hips now but my legs still swung broken and useless beneath me.

"You'll pay for that."

Pay for that! What else could he do!

I could feel deaths soft, warm fingers around the corners of my mind. They were waiting for him to make the final blow, waiting to take me into the final sleep. I laughed at him. It probably wasn't my brightest idea, he'd always hated being laughed at, but he could either kill me or kill me, so I didn't really care.

"Dobe"

His voice sounded sad, as if this was all just a necessity. A necessity built up through years of competition, friendship and betrayal.

Pain greater than anything my body could ever feel was ripping my mind to shreds. I didn't think I was capable of feeling this much. The last word I would ever hear; dobe, my pet insult.

How appropriate.

How sad.

The final bits of nerve repaired themselves and the combination of mental and physical anguish pulled what was left of my consciousness thoughts apart.

Waking up was like being spun around and then thrown into a deep dark lake. I had no idea which way was up, I just had to pick a direction and hope. Opening my eyelids was the next challenge. They were like a thin film of ice blocking my attempts to escape. I would float to the surface of conscious thought, fail to break apart the barrier and sink back down into my own watery prison. Slowly I managed to increase how long I was conscious for.

A few seconds.

Half a minute.

Two minutes.

Finally I opened my eyes.

I'm not sure that it was worth the effort. I was in a tiny, poorly furnished room that smelt of cheap lemon detergent, crumbling brickwork and poverty. The living room and kitchen flowed into each other and there was a small niche in the wall for the bed I was lying on. I could feel thin, worn sheets scratching against my back. I knew where I was; my apartment. It was why I was here that confused me. Had it all been some sick, masochistic dream? I tried to move my arm but was met with clinking and chafing around my wrists. I was hand cuffed to the headboard.

Kinky.

I mentally slapped myself. God, the bastard was right, I was an idiot. I was barely conscious, the last thing I could remember was overwhelming pain, I had no idea what was going on and despite the helplessness position the handcuffs put me in my first thought about them was "kinky". If I could have, I would have punched myself.

I moved my leg slightly and moaned. It didn't hurt, it just felt weird, as if I had fallen asleep on them and had lost most sensation. I quickly scanned down to make sure they were ok. The looked alright. At least they were attached the right way.

"So you're awake"

I turned my head fast enough to give me whiplash. He was sitting in the window sill, almost invisible against the black, starless sky.

"HELP!" I screamed out, "QUICK, UP mumph" I glared up at him.

"If you behave I'll take it off. Are you going to behave?"

"bastard"

I spat around the cloth he'd shoved into my mouth. The word was illegible but the message was clear.

"Fine" he said

He sat down on the only chair, positioning it so that he was facing me.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here and why your still alive, If you want to know blink once."

I rolled my eyes.

_Drama queen_.

I hissed with pain as hot blood spurted from a sallow slash across my chest. The blood and skin bubbled furiously with chakra as the wound crusted over. I looked over at him. He was now casually spinning a bloody kunai around his index finger.

He continued as if nothing had happened

"you're alive because I need your..."

He paused, caught the kunai in his palm and looked away thoughtfully, carefully debating which word to use next.

"Help"

He was kidding. Surly he was kidding. Even a bastard like him wouldn't sneak up on his former bestfriend, almost kill him, tie him up and then ask for his help. I would have said that he was kidding but Sasuke never kids. He raised a thin dark eyebrow.

"Are you ready for me to take the cloth out?" He asked.

I blinked once.

He stood and slowly untied the gag. I shivered as his cold fingers brushed the sides of my face lightly. He looked down at me with a measured gaze. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

"The handcuffs bastard?"

He smirked and sat back down.

The silence that hung between us was as heavy as a pile of elephants. He seemed to be waiting for me to ask the obvious question as he stared with a dark intensity that sent reluctant shudders up my spine. He was dead serious, all the lounging insolence he had possessed moments before had bleed away.

"What do you need me to do?" I asked.

It was hard to see him in the dark but I could sense he had moved and was hovering over me. He was much to close. The air tasted like danger and anticipation, scaring me even more than my defenceless position.

"Perhaps help was the wrong word." He deadpanned. "It implies that you need to willingly participate."

There was a whirlwind of movement and the next thing I was knew his knees on either side of my legs.

"When really" He leaned down and dragged his tongue up my neck, leaving a hot wet trail that finished just below my jaw. His lips were like fire as they hovered above my ear.

"You don't get a choice"

My blood ran cold. I whipped a knee upwards to try and knock him off but he stopped it easily. Hundreds of questions were overlapping inside of my mind. What was he doing!

Wait dumb thought.

Why was he doing this! What did he hope to accomplish by it!

Why me?

I thrashed beneath him in an attempt to throw him off me.

Attempt to throw him off me? Hah. It was an attempt at an attempt.

My brain was pounding against the walls of my skull, screaming at me to stay still, telling me that thrashing would only make this worse. I wish I had listened. He sat on my legs and grabbed my sides to hold me still. He was pissed.

"Stop moving!"

I thrashed harder.

"If you don't stop moving I'll blindfold and gag you."

I froze and he took the opportunity to quickly slice what was left of tattered shirt away from my skin.

"Better" He muttered darkly.

Intrepid fingers traced the outlines of my chest. The air was cool and his fingers seemed to burn against my skin. His lips ran lightly over my collar bone and I shuddered with reluctant pleasure. The rapid beat of my heart was the only sound in the room as I felt him smirk against me. His fingers moved down my sides before digging themselves into the muscles and skin around my spine. I gasped, loving the feeling and hating myself for it.

This was wrong. God it was so wrong.

So why did it feel so right?

His hands and lips moved over me and I desperately tried to stop feelings that were sinking into my bones. My fear was slowly being overridden by a lust I shouldn't have felt. He was supposed to gash me with his weapons and words, not smooth my skin with his fingers and hush against me with a sinful mouth. He hated me. He should have killed me when he first attacked. He should be repulsed by touching me like this. I should have been repulsed by him touching me like this! And yet there we were; him forcing himself on me and me failing to mind.

It was the gentle touches that scared me the most, the teeth marks and fingernail gorges were what I was expecting, not the ghost light touches that made my hair stand on end. And defiantly not the way the two combined to make me melt against him. I gasped loudly as his hands ran down my legs, dragging my remaining clothes with them.

His hands gripped me firmly as he stroked up and down. The pleasure pooling in my stomach was blurring the edges of reason and rationality. There was me and there was him and I was beneath his warmth as his body slid over mine. Nothing else mattered.

_But it should have._

My breathing was heavy and irregular as he brought his head back so that his eyes were locked with mine. He smirked, just the tiniest lift at the corner of his mouth. The amount of insolence and silent communication he packed into it was extraordinary. One tiny movement and he'd managed to tell me that he knew that I knew that he knew that I was kind of maybe slightly enjoying this.

Wait… does that make sense?

His mouth made its way down my chest to latch onto a small pink nub.

Who gave a shit.

His eyes evaluated my reaction to his every move. The way I would arc into his fingers as they ran themselves experimentally down my length or the way I would moan in time with his nips and sucks on my chest. I could see two different people watching me; the stoic man and the hormonal driven boy. One was emotionless, running our bodies together as if it were something he did every day, as if I were just another brothel slut. The other was sadomasochist driven by lust and a captive with Stockholm syndrome. There was no compassion or real emotion, only self-satisfaction at the control he had over me and the deliberate unimportance of what he was doing.

And the inexplicable pain this realisation brought me.

I clamed my lips together, attempting to ensure that no wanton noise escaped them to fuel his twisted game. He paused momentarily, his hands hovering lightly over the head of my cock as he quickly scanned my face and body with annoyance and (dare I say it) concern. It took him only half a moment to realise what I was trying to do and he scoffed before lowering his head. My lips parted and the most embarrassing sound I made all night wormed its way through, a noise halfway between a breathy moan and a pleasured scream. I didn't care.

Ok maybe that's not entirely true. I did smash my head into a wall rather harshly the next day. At the time embarrassing noises and the confused emotions in my head and heart were on the backburner. My biggest concern was the hot moist cavern that engulfed my length.

Relaxing the muscles in his throat, he sank his mouth along my cock until his nose was resting against my pelvic bone. Then, applying an almost painful amount of suction, he pulled his lips back along me and his tongue teased the underside of a vein. My breathing was raged as I moaned a pathetic harmony to his mouth's every move. His tongue and lips moved around the head of my cock as his hand stroked in time at the base. He drew away for a moment and I managed to stop myself from whimpering in disappointment.

Just.

His mouth returned a moment later but now something smooth and wet was tracing around my entrance. I grunted in discomfort as his saliva slicked finger slid inside of me.

It didn't hurt. Not exactly. It was just weird. I squirmed in discomfort as the pale digit curled in and out of me. He didn't give me long before he pressed another finger in. Now that hurt. He wasted no errant thought on my comfort and continued to plough a third finger in with the others. I gritted my teeth as tears stung my eyes. It felt like I was being unzipped from the inside out as he stretched the passage relentlessly. He pulled his hand away and lined himself up. I looked at him, silently begging. He looked back, silently refusing, and then pushed.

My back arched of the bed as I tried fiercely to escape the pain. My palms were bleeding furiously as my nails burrowed into them and my jaw was open in silent scream. Blood was dripping down my arms and painting them a gruesome red as the handcuffs rubbed the skin away from my wrists. When he was fully inside me the pain took over rational thinking. I buried my head into his chest in search of comfort. I just wanted to be wanted. To be held and loved. For someone to please take the god dam fucking pain away. A moment later I realise how stupid I was and pulled back. He was the one causing me pain, he wasn't going to comfort me and by burying my head into him I might accidently create the impression that I wanted him there. I didn't want him there.

Right?

A gentle touch brushed stands of blonde hair from my eyes and I was shocked to feel calloused finger pads wiping away tears. Wait…...tears! When had they gotten there? Careful lips came down to clear the final strip of salt water that ran down my cheek. His lips were smooth and caring but not soft. He paused for a moment, gauging my reaction to this small slip up in his nonchalant behaviour. His eyes were usually like onyx; hard, black and cold, but at that moment they reminded me of coffee; rich and warm with just the barest hint of bitter. Like a single entity we moved, tilting sideways and forward as our heads leaned in. It wasn't a kiss, just a touching of lips, but I'd never felt more alive. His blazing heat pulsed inside of me, filling me with agony and need as it raced the erratic rhythm of our hearts. My head was blissfully blank, too caught up in what I felt to care about what was right. My eyes were closed and with them I could see the way our bodies, minds and hearts meshed and twisted together. I saw it all with a vividly evanescent clarity that open eyes will never know.

I realised something in that single burning moment of cruel and beautiful clarity. I realised why I had never been able to let him go and I realised why he was here. I couldn't put words to the revelation but words are over rated.

I could have said we were terrified and filled with hatred for one another.

I could have said we were in love.

Both were true no matter how contradictory. Somewhere, amongst all we had been through, the two emotions had poured themselves into each other like where the ocean meets the land.

I hated him and I loved him and I hated that I loved him.

Raw emotions like this were boundless, inspired and terrible. They pulled at your heart and mind with unrelenting fingers of steely insanity. They were as beautiful and terrifying as innocence and were something you could never fully understand or control. That was why he was here; because Sasuke Uchiha was Sasuke Uchiha, and he had to control, even when he couldn't.

"Take the handcuffs off" my voice sounded fragile in the deafening silence that loomed around us.

He stared at me as if I had spoken in pig Latin. His eyes seemed huge and were clouded with arousal. His lips were red from sucking me off and were parted lightly with confusion. A gallery of emotion fluttered across his face in rapid succession; amusement, disappointment and wary contemplation, before he shook his head. Just as I'd given up hope I felt the lock release and my hands came free.

"I can't believe I'm doing this" he said under his breath.

I wound my hands and wrists in circles as I allowed the blood to flow. Sasuke's own long fingers hovered over them, ready to restrain if necessary. I moved my hands to my chest and Sasuke's dropped back to my sides. My fist rocketed across his face, catching him almost unaware; he just managed to clench his jaw in time. I felt him shift rapidly as he prepared to lock me back up but I quickly looped my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth onto mine. Our lips and teeth clashed together painfully at first but then he froze. Tentatively his lips moved to meld themselves into mine. The kiss started slow and powerful but it became more forceful as our tongues fought as fiercely as their owners. I smirked against his lips as I clenched my muscles around his length.

"Come on bastard, I'm ready when you are."

He growled deep in his throat and pulled back. He looked up and met my eyes, making sure I was ok. I rolled my eyes and grinned.

"Awwwww, look at you getting all sentimental."

I swear I saw the sharingan flash briefly in his eyes. I didn't like that. I really didn't like that.

He slammed back in, striking directly against my prostate. My back arched spectacularly and my vision swum red with stars as the pain was smothered by overwhelming pleasure. My lips parted in a silent scream as my eyes rolled back into my head. He paused and smirked, obviously enjoying my exaggerated reaction. I pouted.

"Bastard"

He chuckled and the resulting sensation had me clawing at his back.

"Hey! Careful!"

He chuckled again and as I groaned he captured my lips in another kiss.

"Dobe"

The night wore on around us as we folded in and out of each other, focusing on the moment and not on the future. He guided my hands over his body and I guided his over mine. As he sunk in and out of me I clung to him with sweaty fingers. The pleasure built up unbearably and I could feel Sasuke slowly losing control. Our grunts and cries where swallowed by our interlaced tongues and when I came, screaming his name he followed and whispered mine into my skin.

We lay against each other, breathing heavily as reality set in. I wished that we could stay like that forever and I could feel that he wished the same. All we wanted in that moment was to melt together like butter on toast, to stay in that sweaty, sex smelling moment of perfection. We wanted ignore the politics and hurt and just rejoice in the painful love that swam between us. But the past was starting to surface.

We stared at each other, memorising the feel of our melded skin as we readied ourselves for the parting. The heartbreaking silence was the kind that filled the room when there was nothing left to say. Not awkward, just sad. He left the bed and dressed slowly. I watched mournfully as lean muscle disappeared behind the cloth. As if sensing my gaze he turned and smirked. I blushed. He moved towards me and took my face in his hands as the smirk slipped away. I closed my eyes and my mouth parted lightly in anticipation. Our lips brushed. As he pulled away the full moon peeked out from the shelter of the clouds. A silent agreement flowed between us.

His pale fingers brushed over my bottom lip as his eyes glowed with longing for what he couldn't have. He disappeared between one heart beat and the next, leaving the fickle night as my only companion. My body was stiff and sore and my heart was filled with a mix of anguish and adulation as I closed my eyes and prayed for forgiving and forgetful sleep.

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><p>Once a month we close the door on the past. We make love and hold each other, wrapped in the way that things might have been. When the morning breaks we will be on different sides and the things we ignore will haunt our memories.<p>

There is no plan. What else can we do? We need those nights as much as we hate them.

We are living in the moment and for the moment, it is enough.

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><p><strong>Soooooo... How did I go :) I tried to ensure that i didnt make Naruto to girly because...wellll...he's just not. <strong>

**Please reveiw! Why u ask? Because if u liked it i wana know why and if it needs improving i wana know where**

**(and i am kind of secretly desperate 4 an ego boost!)**


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